I\u2019ve jumped in with the RecruitLoop team on a couple of projects as a freelancer this past year while I wandered around Europe. Needless to say, it\u2019s been one sweet ride of awesome.<\/p>\n
Now I\u2019m back in my home country and doing the dreaded deed: interviewing for a full time job.<\/p>\n
This week I have four interviews, all with amazing organisations that I thought \u2018wouldn\u2019t have any openings\u2019 until I managed to get one of their Directors drunk enough to let me take compromising photos. It\u2019s been a couple of weeks of hit-and-misses to get to this point.<\/p>\n
Applying for a job is really intimidating. That is, until you meet the interviewer. For some organisations, it\u2019s around about at that point you start wondering what amazing genius marketed this company into something that looked like it had the nuance to actually deliver results for its clients. Quite honestly \u2013 there are some dumb-ass interviewers out there. Some of them are recruiters, which is truly scary cos that\u2019s their day job.<\/i><\/p>\n
Here are the dumbest questions I\u2019ve been asked by recruiters and hiring managers and start up owners and managing directors just three weeks into this pitiful charade we call \u2018finding a job\u2019, complete with the responses I wish I could have given.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re a hiring manager or a recruiter, please don\u2019t use these. Ever.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen I was 6 I was part of the egg-and-spoon race Blue Team. We decided we wanted to win, ran as hard as we could while making sure the egg didn\u2019t fall off the spoon and would have won if Stacey hadn\u2019t tripped over at the last minute. I stuck my tongue out at her and told her she was a poo-face.\u201d<\/i>
\nEveryone<\/i> works as part of a team. Unless you\u2019re a permanent freelancer, in which case you wouldn\u2019t be interviewing for a full time job, would you<\/i>? I\u2019m not 14 years old applying for my first job at Maccas. I\u2019m also not completely stupid and going to give you an answer about a teamwork experience that makes me look like the control-freak I am. So what you\u2019re going to get is a pat answer about some famous-five-style-moment that I most probably made up based on a conglomerate of my memories. No-one walks away from a work day saying \u201cWow, that was a great teamwork experience!\u201d<\/p>\n
On a side note, I was asked this question only to discover that the role worked completely autonomously out of a remote location. I think it would\u2019ve been way more important to know how I coped with being by myself all day?<\/p>\n
\u201cI love them and I hate you. I\u2019ve spent two days preparing for this third-stage half hour job trial because I\u2019m pretty sure I\u2019m getting my dream job from another company first thing tomorrow.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
I am never going to tell you that I like another company more than yours. If you want to hear that I think yours is the most incredible company to ever be pooped out of the brain of a genius start-up child, I will tell you that. If you want to hear that this role has been my dream since I was playing with Barbies, I will tell you that. If you want to hear that I think all your competitors suck and that I\u2019m just going to the interviews for \u2018industry research purposes\u2019 I will tell you that. (Actually I did tell you that, minus the suck part.)<\/p>\n
The goal of a candidate in my position \u2013 unemployed for good reason (travelling) and transferring industries \u2013 is to collect as many job offers as she can before finally accepting the best one she can get preferably before all her money runs out. This is not a sign of instability. It is a sign of prudence and risk-management. She\u2019s not going to sit around hoping you offer her your job only to discover she didn\u2019t get it and has to start the process of convincing another company to hire her all over again while forking out developed country expenses (Brie cheese is $7 in Australia. $7!) on a Southern European traveller\u2019s income (Spain, I miss you\u2026).<\/p>\n
This question also tells me you\u2019re afraid of rejection. So you\u2019ve found an awesome candidate. She\u2019s being interviewed by other companies. Are you trying to make sure you don\u2019t offer a candidate a job that she\u2019s going to turn down? Will that make you feel bad about your apparently awesome company and go home and cry in your pillow? Offer the job to the person who you think would be the best for it. If they turn it down, then offer the job to the person you thought would be second best for it. It\u2019s pretty straight-forward. Don\u2019t let your ego do you out of a seriously awesome candidate. Which I may or may not be, I\u2019m just saying.<\/p>\n
\u2018Oooooh I didn\u2019t realize, Ms Recruiter, that when you put the title \u2018Junior Anything\u2019 on the job ad description you meant I would actually be taking home a less-than-average wage and doing primarily administration tasks that I last did when I was a highschool graduate.\u2019<\/i><\/p>\n
I applied for this job because I want to get a foot into the industry. It\u2019s a cool industry and I\u2019m not the only one that wants in. Once I get in, your client is gonna love me so much they\u2019ll give me heaps of responsibility, probably for a decent period of time without paying me appropriate remuneration. I know these things. I\u2019m okay with these things. I can\u2019t believe you ignored my application. And my follow up phone calls.<\/p>\n
In fact, that annoyed me so much that I sent my resume directly to every Insert Company Type Here<\/b> in Sydney because you wouldn\u2019t tell me who your client was. Two of them called me within the week and now I don\u2019t know which job to accept just so I can ruin your day. And commissions.<\/p>\n\u201cAre you still looking for a job?\u201d<\/h3>\n
\u201cI sent my resume to you yesterday. That doesn\u2019t warrant the use of the word \u2018still\u2019.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
I\u2019m not a rabbit. I don\u2019t bounce from one thing to another just because the sun went down and came back up again. I\u2019m also not a desperate long term unemployed person, which is what saying \u2018Yes\u2019 to your question makes me feel like. I guess I could take it as a compliment that you thought another company had managed to scan my resume, interview me, perform background and reference checks, negotiate pay and get me to sign a contract all within a period of 7.5 business hours but more likely I\u2019m going to take it as a sign that you a) have terrible people skills, b) are confused about the logistics involved in hiring a person or c) a combination of both.<\/p>\n
I will meet with you, but I won\u2019t be looking forward to it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Quite honestly \u2013 there are some dumb-ass interviewers out there. Here are the dumbest questions I\u2019ve been asked by recruiters and hiring managers and start up owners and managing directors just three weeks into this pitiful charade we call \u2018finding a job\u2019, complete with the responses I wish I could have given.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":286,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[73],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n