Miss, Mrs., Or Ms.: When To Use Each

How you address someone can greatly impact how your correspondence is perceived. Whether you’re drafting a professional letter or engaging with an authority figure, it’s essential to use appropriate formal titles.

For men, the title of “Mr.” remains constant, irrespective of marital status or age. However, when it comes to women, choosing between Miss, Mrs., or Ms. can be more nuanced, especially when you are unaware of their personal preferences.

In this article, we will explore the origins and implications of these titles and provide clear guidance on how to appropriately address women in professional contexts.

Key Takeaways:

• The title “Miss” is traditionally reserved for younger unmarried women, typically under 18.

• “Mrs.” refers to a married woman, regardless of age.

• “Ms.” emerged in the 1950s, reflecting a growing desire among women to be recognized independently of marital status.

• If you are unsure which title to use, consider doing some research, consulting someone close to the individual, or directly asking them their preference.

The Traditional Use of Miss and Mrs.

When composing business emails or interacting with someone you don’t know well, it’s crucial to show utmost respect. Historically, the titles “Miss” and “Mrs.” were used to signify a woman’s marital status and age, typically used with either their surname or their husband’s name if married.

While these titles served as an expression of respect in the past, their use today raises more complex considerations.

Examples of contexts where formal addresses are appropriate include:

The Emergence of Ms.

Initially, the titles of Miss and Mrs. were the only options to distinguish between married and unmarried women in formal address. This binary classification was challenged by advocates who believed it was inappropriate for a woman’s professional identity to be defined by her marital status.

Feminists active from the 1950s to the 1970s criticized the term “Miss” as infantilizing for adult women. They advocated for the introduction of “Ms.” as a title that could apply to any adult woman, regardless of marital status, thus reflecting a more equal stance to that of men, who have always had the unqualified title “Mr.”

The acceptance of “Ms.” into mainstream dialogue marked a significant victory for the feminist movement, providing a formal title for women that did not hinge on their relationship status.

How to Distinguish Between Miss, Mrs., and Ms.

Understanding when to use Miss, Mrs., and Ms. can be confusing, but once you grasp the distinctions, it becomes second nature.

1. Miss. (Pronounced like “Miss”)

   This title is now primarily used for younger unmarried women, particularly those under 18. While it once applied to all unmarried women, its contemporary use is largely restricted to younger individuals, as addressing an adult woman as “Miss” can come across as patronizing.

   In casual encounters, “Miss” can still be used respectfully when you don’t know a woman’s name, similar to how “ma’am” is used.

2. Mrs. (Pronounced like “Miz-iz”)

   This title signifies a married woman, regardless of age. Some women who are widowed or divorced may still prefer “Mrs.,” but this is entirely a personal choice.

3. Ms. (Pronounced like “Mizz”)

   Among the titles available for addressing women professionally, “Ms.” is the most inclusive and safest option if you’re unsure of a woman’s marital status. It has gained acceptance as the respectful choice for any woman, regardless of her age or relationship status.

What to Do if You Don’t Know a Woman’s Status

Choosing the correct title can be daunting, particularly when you are unaware of a woman’s marital status. Misaddressing someone can lead to discomfort or offense, but there are ways to navigate this issue gracefully.

When in doubt, avoid assuming a woman’s status. Instead, opt for “Ms.,” a universally applicable title for adult women. Here are some strategies for determining the most appropriate title:

1. Conduct online research. While it may feel intrusive, searching online for the individual’s name can yield valuable information, such as previous correspondences that indicate their preferred title.

2. Consult someone who knows them well. If you have mutual contacts, consider asking them about the individual’s title preference. They might provide insight without putting you in an awkward position.

3. Inquire about their preference directly. The most effective approach is simply to ask the person how they prefer to be addressed, whether it’s Miss, Mrs., Ms., or another title altogether. Open dialogue about preferences fosters comfort and understanding.

Challenges with Miss, Mrs., and Ms.

The differentiation of women based on marital status—excluding men from similar categorization—has historically posed issues. The use of “Mrs.” and “Miss” implies that a woman’s identity and professional standing are tied to her marital status.

• This practice has drawn criticism for suggesting that a woman’s worth is linked to whether she is married. The introduction of “Ms.” aimed to counteract this notion by providing a title that does not correlate with marital status.

• Moreover, in our evolving society, gender identity is becoming more fluid, raising questions about traditional gendered titles.

• For many, using titles that specify gender still excludes non-binary or gender-fluid individuals, who may wish for alternatives that do not define them by their gender.

• Recent years have seen a shift toward acknowledging a broader spectrum of gender identities within formal titles.

Examples of Gender-Neutral Options for Formal Titles

1. Mx. (Pronounced like “Mix”) This title is a gender-neutral option that has gained popularity in recent years, primarily in the UK, but is increasingly recognized in the US.

2. Ind. An abbreviation for “Individual,” this title serves as another respectful, gender-neutral option for formal address.

3. M*. Similar to Mx., this title is also used for gender-neutral professional acknowledgment.

Miss, Ms., and Mrs. FAQ

1. Are all married women “Mrs.”?

   No, not all married women use “Mrs.” While many American women choose to adopt this title after marriage, it ultimately depends on personal preference.

2. If a woman opts for “Mrs.,” must she change her last name?

   No, a woman is not required to change her last name to use “Mrs.” She can choose to keep her maiden name while using “Mrs.” or opt for “Ms.” even if she takes her partner’s last name.

3. When addressing a couple, whose name comes first?

   Traditionally, the woman’s name precedes the man’s in correspondence. However, in contemporary settings, either order is acceptable, and including titles for both individuals is also common.

4. How do I address a letter to two women married to each other?

   Just like all married women, those in same-sex marriages can choose “Mrs.,” “Ms.,” or any title they prefer. It’s best to ask them directly for their preference.

5. What about professional titles?

   If you are aware of a recipient’s professional title, always use it in correspondence. Respecting earned titles is crucial, as it acknowledges their hard work.

   For medical doctors or individuals with doctoral degrees, address them as “Dr.” in all forms of communication.

   When addressing military personnel, ensure to use their full rank or the correct abbreviation (e.g., “Lt.” for “Lieutenant”).

Final Thoughts

The titles “Mrs.” and “Miss” have historically denoted a woman’s identity in relation to her marital status. The introduction of “Ms.” in the 1970s was a significant step toward equating women’s titles with that of men, who have always been referred to simply as “Mr.”

While it remains advisable to use formal titles in professional contexts, it’s equally important to respect individual preferences regarding titles. Engaging in open discussions about preferred titles, including gender-neutral alternatives like “Mx.,” helps foster an inclusive and respectful environment.

Author

Sky Ariella

Sky Ariella is a professional freelance writer, originally from New York. She has been featured on websites and online magazines covering topics in career, travel, and lifestyle. She received her BA in psychology from Hunter College.

Expert

Matt Warzel, CPRW, CIR

Matt Warzel a President of a resume writing firm (MJW Careers, LLC) with 15+ years of recruitment, outplacement, career coaching and resume writing experience. Matt is also a Certified Professional Resume Writer (CPRW) and Certified Internet Recruiter (CIR) with a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration (Marketing Focus) from John Carroll University.